So many people keep going back to unhealthy relationships because they want closure. They want the answer to an unanswerable question, “Why would they do this to me?”
Closure will never be achieved in many of these situations. If you notice you’re asking yourself this question, it’s quite likely that the other person has done something to you that is unconscionable.
By very definition, unconscionable means without conscience. If this is true, ask yourself, “Have I done something to them that is unconscionable?” If not, then the answer is, this person behaves toward you without conscience. Lacking consideration for how you will be affected. Lacking empathy for your feelings.
Sometimes I hear people say, “Well, they say I’m always wanting a fight,” or, “They say I’m the bad one because I lost my temper.” This is the tricky part because people have been gaslit to believe that everything that goes wrong in the unhealthy relationship is all their fault while the other person is blameless.
Again, ask yourself, “Have I behaved intentionally unconscionable?” Did you behave in a way that intentionally lacks conscience?
Intention is the key here. Sure, losing your temper may have unintended consequences of hurting someone’s feelings, but that is very different than intentionally hurting someone’s feelings or behaving in an intentionally consistently cruel, dismissive, coercive way.
Let go of looking for closure. There is no rational explanation for intentionally unconscionable behaviour. And going to the source of that behaviour with the hopes of getting a rational answer is a pointless endeavour. Try therapy instead.
As per the SASW requirements for application for APE, Joanne has experience providing direct clinical supervision with a focus on differential diagnosis process and practice and demonstration of diagnostic competence.
Her experience with use of clinical assessment procedures includes social and cultural factors and takes into account the following:
Determining and communicating a diagnosis that involves use of the current edition of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) and/or International Classification of Diseases (ICD) or other appropriate evidence-based diagnostic systems; development of collaborative treatment plans; use of evidence-based intervention approaches; documentation; and review of treatment outcomes.
Click on the button below for more information.