​Psychological Abusers hone the skill of inflicting emotional destruction on their chosen victims with such subtlety it is often difficult to detect. Their cunning ability to manipulate other people’s beliefs, perceptions and feelings leaves a trail of human destruction in the dust behind them.

People who are psychological abusers may see the agony and misery of their victims of proof of their God-like power over other people. It is the ultimate example of a heartless human with a highly sadistic character.
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In abuser-parented families, the legacy is continual pain and turmoil.

That’s because the abuser will use any means necessary to get what they want and will stop nothing short of deceiving, manipulating, gaslighting and bullying. Even of their own spouse and children.

So, what happens when a child’s parent is a n abuser? They live in a warped version of reality, thanks to the extensive gaslighting and manipulation of their predatory parent.

Having an abusive parent means that the child experiences emotional neglect, cruelty and psychological abandonment, and are gaslit to believe it isn’t even happening. As a result, there is no room for respectful, open, honest, loving relationships where everybody’s needs are validated and met.

The children must learn to maneuver the injustice, the cruelty and dysfunction of this complex family system in order to survive.

​Let’s look at three examples of how emotionally abusive parents hurt their children:

1. Unconditional love is never truly possible.

Psychologically abusive individuals teach their children very early on that they have to behave in certain ways to get the parent’s love and attention. Sadly, these expectations are temporary and ever-shifting, so there is no true way the child can achieve this standard. The goal posts are constantly moving. They child is continually correcting, to try to adjust for this unclear goal.

The awful truth is that the parent is intentionally shifting the bar because they don’t want the child to reach it. They want the child to be in a lifelong struggle of trying to please their parent. This reinforces the parent's need for feeling omnipotent and all-powerful.

The true horror is in how this plays out. From the very beginning the child learns that if they do something wrong, a so called “loving” parent can abuse them. They find out that their individuality is something the parent wants to control, that their personality is something the parent wants to mold, and that their true self is never, ever good enough. Having a psychological abuser as a parents means continual rejection, dictatorial practices, and oppression for the child.
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Psychological abusers sometimes see their partners and children as extensions of themselves, like jewelry. This jewelry has to represent the mask or the “false self” that they have created and maintain for the purpose of conning others. If the child reflects the carefully curated mask, they are safe and shown love. As soon as the child makes an error, the parent is outraged because the child is not reflecting their carefully contrived false identity.
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This is intermitted reinforcement, or trauma bonding, at its absolute worst.

2. The parent demands reverence from the family

Psychological abusers must be venerated by others and anything less will be an insult to their person. Normal childhood behaviors of talking back, not doing what they are told or outright rebelling are taken as a personal affront, because they demand the child to worship and obey them above all else.

And because there is an unwritten rule in these families, that nobody’s needs matter (except, of course, for the abuser's needs) all family members learn and internalize that they are unimportant, that their needs are trivial and that they should be ashamed of having needs in the first place.

If the spouse in this family unit does not tow the party line, where the abusive parent is placed and maintained in hero status, to be worshipped, adored and obeyed at every opportunity, the parent will subjugate them and reduce them to a status that is often at the level of the children. Now the children learn that “power over” is normal and that it is acceptable to disrespect their parent, and thus take this learning into their own adult lives with their spouses and families moving forward.

3. Psychologically abusive parents are threatened by individuality

In the mind of a abuser, there is an ideal family, where everyone in the family unit accepts the identity, expectations and belief system assigned to them by the abuser. If someone shows even an ounce of individuality, the abuser is insulted because the person is not obeying them. This "injury" results in the child being emotionally neglected and rejected. 

What follows is scorn, subordination and cruelty toward the individual who has not met the abuser's expectations. The child is then subjugated into the role of the family scapegoat, the person in the family that is to blame for everything that is wrong in the family as well as every bad thing that happens. This is psychological annihilation for the scapegoated child.

The reality of being a child of a psychological abuser is stark. Reality is twisted, injustices are overlooked or endorsed, lies, dis-loyalties, double standards and treachery are just typical daily occurrences. If the other parent has even an ounce of conscience, it is likely the child sees that parent get manipulated, dominated and demoralized. How a child turns out after exposure to this kind of prolonged abuse is unpredictable. There are many different types of personalities that come out of living in such a chaotic, dysfunctional family system. If a child experiences this abuse for the duration of their childhood, only time will tell the full extent of the damage.

​Thoughts?

Survivors of emotional violence will often speak to me about the re-victimization they experience at the hands of family members, friends, legal counsel, law enforcement and even helping professionals. This is a form of societal gaslighting, where the individual’s experience is minimized, invalidated and even been met with victim-blaming statements. This is such a widespread complaint I hear from people that I began to realize it is a much larger than an individual problem. This is a social bias.

My sociology and social work background always has me thinking about the societal underpinnings of individual problems. What this is truly about is power dynamics in our world.

By uncovering the unconscious rules of the power game and the methods by which it attains legitimacy, we are certainly in a position to bring around basic changes. – Alice Miller

Blaming the victim, victim-shaming and backlash against people who have joined the #MeToo movement is a sad reality in our world, and it is easy to see why victims of emotional abuse so readily adopt this view. We see it time and time again when we hear about people who suffer horrific abuse, and the question always lingers: “Why didn’t she just leave?”

We see this in sexual assault cases (what was she wearing?), or how people view those in poverty as lazy, or blaming mentally ill people for poor lifestyle choices. There are cases where some victims are at least partially responsible for their situations, but their personal responsibility is often inflated and the extenuating circumstances are overlooked. Why do people do this?

Blaming the victim has two parts: Avoid responsibility and avoid vulnerability. The world is a scary place and the human psyche fears this truth. Instead of feeling vulnerable, our minds search for evidence for how the world is indeed safe. Victims threaten our need for safety and security. We simply don’t want to believe that bad things happen to good people because in accepting this harsh truth, we acknowledge our vulnerability. Most people cannot accept this terrifying reality.

There is also a belief that leaving an abusive relationship should be simple and straightforward. You and I both know this is an enormous myth. 

Accepting that you are not responsible for the abuse you suffered flies in the face of all of the messages we have received in our lives—from friends, family, popular media and society in general. The reality is that you had no control over this person. You must fully embrace this truth.

The abusive person has put you in the position of responsibility for their behavior. They have blamed you for their shortcomings. You have been told you’re not good enough and the abuse you endured seems to prove that this is true. This is wrong. You are not to blame. It is not you who is not good enough. The abuser is the only one responsible for the abuse. They knew what they was doing when they mistreated you and they did it on purpose. Their deliberate abuse highlights that they have a need to hurt others in order to make themselves feel significant and superior. You, on the other hand, already know you are imperfect, and you do not need to hurt someone else to make yourself feel better. Only an individual with a deeply flawed personality would need to do this.

How do we start validating survivors? Understand and make the clear distinction: this is not about a “bad breakup” or being “incompatible”. This is about people who have been incredibly injured by cruel individuals who lack empathy, who are chronic abusers, who lack remorse and have no conscience for their malicious actions.

As one survivor described to me, “Being told by my best friend that he was just going through a ‘rough patch’ and that the way he behaved in the marriage was typical of someone who has fallen out of love was like a kick in the stomach. It was like being told my reality was entirely false. That I must have imagined it, or I was oversensitive, or lacked awareness of normal human behavior. The gaslighting by my best friend only further victimized me. I already thought I was a completely crazy, stupid and hysterical. Then I had my best friend confirming it.”

How Do We Stop This Re-Victimization?

Acknowledge and validate the survivors’ reality. Understand that narcissism, antisocial personalities and psychopathy are real in this world. There are actually people in society, in our workplaces, churches, and families who are cruel, predatory and intentionally seek to destroy others. There are individuals who lack remorse, who behave in inhumane ways and will use emotional, psychological and physical violence to get their way. These are extremely dangerous people and this is gut-check time. Not all individuals in this world are inherently good.

Accept that recovery from a psychologically abusive relationship takes longer. It is also important to understand that  friends, family and others do not understand this post-traumatic pain. They will dispense some unhelpful, even harmful advice, such as, “You’re dwelling on the past. You need to move on.” What they don’t know is that survivors are asking themselves a version of that question of themselves.

The difficulty that interferes with healing is the terrible betrayal at this fraudulent love. Narcissistic abuse survivors show many similarities in their recovery journey, due to the tactics used by the abuser. Someone who has undergone repeated gaslighting by a narcissistic abuser will invariably suffer the effects of cognitive dissonance. This is when the survivor is trying to make sense of the abuser’s false image that hooked them to them in the first place, with the abuser’s cruel, mean and disturbing true self.

Due to this cognitive dissonance, survivors will often perseverate on the discrepancy between the charming, over the top, love-bombing person they feel in love with compared to the ugly, malicious person they came to be.

What others see is the survivors constant re-view and attempt to re-assess the memories and resulting thoughts and emotions related to the cognitive dissonance. This is why the re-tell the same stories, over and over, because they are trying to make sense of something that inherently does not make sense.

This process, in and of itself, helps to reduce the cognitive dissonance and address the disconnection that has happened to their memories (survivors often dissociate during trauma and memories, thoughts and feelings become jumbled and elusive - an innate psychological protection). If, during a re-telling of the story, a friend validates, accepts and shows appropriate revulsion about the abusive behavior, it reduces the confusion and begins to allow the person’s reality to become trusted once again.

I hope and believe that as awareness of narcissistic abuse grows, the majority of the socially conscious individuals in this world will transition from victim-blaming to start to demand that responsibility for the abuse be where it should be: on the abuser.

Your dad thinks everything you do is inefficient, incompetent and just plain…wrong. Your aunt wants to gossip about your mother behind her back and pry for information on her sister’s dirty little secrets, your brother insults you with a backhanded compliment, “Gee, nice that you bothered to put some effort into baking this year,” or your cousin one-ups you about pretty much every single thing (you have a BMW? She has a Lamborghini). Or, your uncle is passive aggressive about the gift you bought him, “This looks like a one-click Christmas present.”

While it is estimated that only 6% of the population actually has narcissistic personality disorder, there are many people who display manipulative, controlling and narcissistic traits, and it’s pretty likely that someone in every family meets part of the criteria for being a narcissist.

You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. But don’t worry, here’s how to deal with the dreaded holidays with your narcissistic family member(s):

Let Them Be Right

Whatever you do, don’t fight them. You already know that when you fight back it always makes things worse. Let them win. Let them believe they are superior. At the root of it all, manipulators fear inferiority. "Remember that they're usually driven by an unconscious sense of shame or inferiority," says Joseph Burgo, PhD, author of "The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age." Christmas is definitely not the time to dig in your heels, because Christmas might just end with an aunt, mother or brother as an enemy.

So what to do instead? Remember what Bill Eddy, LCSW from the High Conflict Institute does: EAR – Empathy, Attention and Respect. Have empathy for the narcissists complain, listen with your full attention, and respect their opinion. Then leave the discussion. This may mean you end up eating at the kids’ table just to get away from the drama.
 
Be Prepared

Sometimes the cruelty of a manipulator can literally take your breath away. Sometimes it can come from out of the blue and you’re left wondering what the hell just happened? Who knows why, in the middle of a pleasant conversation, a narcissist has to drop a big ball of nasty, but whatever it is, don’t take the bait. Instead, stay calm, neutral and be ready with a quick response. “That's one way of looking at it,” or “I see.” If they keep baiting you, over and over, don’t take it! This way they’ll know their efforts to get you spinning are being wasted.

RELATED: Why are Psychological Abusers So Cruel, Adversarial and Resentful?

Take The High Road

Most of us enjoy Christmas because we want to catch up with our families and reconnect with relatives we don’t see as often as we’d like. Unfortunately, Christmas for a psychologically abusive person can be when their jealous, spiteful traits really come to light. If you notice they are trash-talking your loved ones or running people down when they’re not there to defend themselves, you can always take the high road.

Example, “Did you see how bad aunt ___ looks?!” You can respond with something that shows you are unfettered by their complete rudeness, “No I didn’t. She’s a beautiful person, inside and out.” Then walk away. What can they possible say after that?

Don't JADE – Justify, Argue, Defend, And Explain

Manipulators hold grudges for a very long time, even if the problem is perceived, not real. If you can’t avoid the person who’s mad at you from last Thanksgiving’s perceived rudeness, make sure you turn to the old Al-Anon 12-step slogan JADE that reminds us not to engage in justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining. Instead? Think detach.

Make Them Feel Important

Psychological abusers have issues of feeling inferior at their core. They make up with this dark inner feeling by acting like a huge know-it-all. Give them what they want. Ask them about their important job, their beautiful children, their fast car, their big house and let them beam. For some people, this might chap their ass. In my opinion, making someone feel good is never a bad thing, even if I don't think they deserve it.

RELATED: 9 Signs You're A Victim of Psychological Abuse

Agree to Disagree

It’s okay to stand your ground when you need to. Sometimes they are so foul that it is impossible to give them a pat response. In this case, agree to disagree. “You have your way of doing things that make sense to you, but I would deal with this differently.”

Tip: Do not, under any circumstance, let them get under your skin. If you lose your cool and freak out, you're going to end up looking like the family nut, all the while you'll be scratching your head and thinking, what the hell just happened this time?
 
What are your thoughts? How do you handle the narcissist at your family gatherings?

Joanne Brothwell, MSW, CLC, is a therapist and author in Saskatoon, Canada with twenty-two years of public and private practice. She is the creator of the Psychological Abuse Recovery Course, a program designed to provide information, powerful techniques and specific healing activities that are crucial to recovery from emotional abuse. 

Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. While some teens may show narcissistic traits, it is more likely typical of their age and developmental stage and doesn't mean that they have or will develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Teens are in the right in the middle of the process of forming their identities and learning how to maneuver their lives- both their inner and outer lives. When I say they are in the middle, I mean that their personalities are not yet fully formed and are still being developed. Thus, they may exhibit traits associated with narcissism, such as being defensive, hypersensitive, selfish, and oblivious to the feelings of needs of those around them. This is developmentally normal.

Wondering what is narcissism? Here's a reminder of NPD traits:

1. Lacks empathy and is extremely selfish.
2. Arrogant and egotistical.
3. Insatiable need for approval and reverence.
4. Need for power and control.
5. Overinflated sense of entitlement.
6. Resentment and envy at the success of other people.
7. Vindictive, aggressive, and moody.
8. Defensive and hypersensitive.
9. A shifting personality.

What causes NPD? Experts know that genetics, neurobiological factors and personality and temperament play a role and may make an individual more or less vulnerable to the development of NPD​. However, we also know that social and environmental factors, such as parent-child relationships can have a huge impact on the development of this disorder, specifically if there is excessive adoration and overprotection, excessive criticism, or severe neglect or abuse may trigger Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The good news? If you believe you are seeing traits of narcissism in your child, just remember that you still have several years to help guide your child to appropriate thoughts and behavior. ​Having a strong, loving relationship with your child with clear boundaries and an emphasis on encouragement rather than criticism, and guiding them in the development of their moral compass and decision making will help protect your teenager from having their "normal" teenage narcissism turn into a full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Still not sure? If you suspect your teen's narcissitic traits are outside of the norm for an adolescent, seek the help of a qualified therapist.

Last week I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Candice Monson speak on the topic of Evidence-based and Promising Psychotherapies for PTSD. Candice is a professor of Psychology at Ryerson University and is one of the foremost experts on traumatic stress. She is a co-author of the book, Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD: A Comprehensive Manual which is a resource I have been using for mahy years in my clinical practice treating trauma.

Cognitive Processing Therapy addresses the beliefs individuals hold and how they integrate their traumatic experience into pre-existing beliefs and experiences. She spoke of what is known as “Hindsight Bias”, which consists of thoughts:

• I must have done something to deserve this
• It’s my fault
• I could have prevented this.

When these thought patterns are combined with pre-existing negative beliefs:

• I’m a bad person
• People can’t be trusted
• I have no control over anything

It will invariably reduce the person’s ability to recover from a traumatic incident.

This type of cognitive therapy is precisely the underpinning of my book, Psychological Abuse Recovery: Healing from Emotional, Psychological And Narcissistic Abuse. This type of therapy can be seen as a reality therapy for trauma, with concrete steps to restructure unhelpful thoughts and beliefs into something more realistic:

• Bad things happen to good people
• I have some power
• Good people do bad things
• I have learned from my experiences
• I didn’t know what I know now
• I was a trusting person and I did the best I could
• I’m worthy of love, respect and consideration just like anyone else
• If I fought back,  it might have had a bad outcome

Since PTSD is highly associated with relationship problems, and a negative family environment is associated with worse outcomes, it is important to also involve family members in treatment. This type of therapy is called Cognitive Behavioral Conjoint Therapy.

However, in my work with trauma, involving family members who are emotionally and psychologically abusive is often more harmful and potentially dangerous. So how does a therapist decide?

Dr. Monson answered this question succinctly: Using an instrument Conflict Tactics Scale, one of the most widely used instrument in research on family violence, the therapist can get a clear picture of the severity of conflict and violence in the relationship. If there is violence, do not proceed with the conjoint therapy.

If there is no violence but the therapist suspects there is emotional and psychological abuse, it’s imperative to specifically ask about the client’s feelings of safety. If one partner feels emotionally unsafe, does the other partner acknowledge their aggression as a problem? If they do acknowledge it is a problem and are genuinely interested in changing, a therapist might consider proceeding. If they do not see it as a problem, Cognitive Behavioral Conjoint Therapy is not the correct course of action.
 

​Every Wednesday,   November 13, 20, 27 & December 4 & 11,  from 5:00 - 6:30pm 

When people experience trauma from psychological abuse, why does their nervous system sometimes trigger a shutdown response?
 
That question spurred a whole new way of thinking about trauma treatment. Neuroscientists have been investigating the nervous system and how it can help to explain responses to trauma. Some amazing new discoveries in the treatment of trauma have taken place.
 
Here’s a look at what’s inside the Psychological Abuse Recovery Course:

• The neural breakdown that leaves trauma survivors so vulnerable to future trauma
• How our internal threat detection system can fuel irrational thoughts and behavior
• Why some people are better able than others to feel safe again after trauma
• How the nervous system gets tricked into thinking trauma is happening in the present
• The problem with focusing on traumatic history
• How to “re-set” the nervous system’s response to trauma
• How to shift your physiological state to move you out of shutdown mode

 
It’s available now, for just $46 USD, here’s the link where you can get it.
 
All the best,
Joanne Brothwell, MSW
Joannebrothwell.com
 
Follow me on social media:
 
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Feelings of being defective, worthless and a failure are painful and sometimes feel inescapable after psychological abuse.

“There’s something wrong with me.”

In order to shift out of these painful feelings of defectiveness, we need to understand the specific biological factors that fuel inadequacy and how self-criticism roots itself in the body.

The Psychological Abuse Recovery Course  addresses these feelings of worthlessness, In this course, you will learn:
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·         Tools to help reverse a sense of defectiveness
·         How to identify where you are inviting others’ judgment (and how to put a stop to it)
·         How disapproval gets “stuck” in the central nervous system
·         How to reprocess the early memories that create a core sense of defectiveness
·         What happens to the central nervous system when painful memories are recalled
·         How to override the mind-body impact of adverse childhood experiences
·         The essential pieces that result in a healthy sense of worth
·         How to “rewire” the self-critical mind
·         Why feelings of defectiveness affects neuroplasticity
·         How shame’s effect on the central nervous system generates negative beliefs
·         How to cultivate a sense of self-respect
·         How to approach unrealistic expectations of perfection
·         How to shift your thinking from being “right” to being effective
·         How to develop immunity from others’ approval or disapproval

The Complicated Mind-Body Connection 
 
Emotional trauma has “tissue memory” where the memory gets lodged in our bodies. Our cells are like mini computers that can store information and perform innumerable tasks. This is where the pain is contained. Due to the high level of adrenaline and cortisol associated with the trauma, the memory is imprinted both in our conscious mind as well as our bodies, at a cellular level.  
 
Unfortunately, emotional pain can continually wreak havoc on our mental, physical and spiritual health for years following the end of the trauma. Nevertheless, healing trauma that is trapped in your body can occur. 

My story:

I would often notice incredible tension in my chest and that I was constantly over-inflating my lungs. Then I noticed that my leg muscles were completely contracted. I used mindfulness, relaxation and meditation to quietly reflect on what was happening with my legs, when a spontaneous memory came up—one where my father used to tickle me, squeezing my knees with so much pressure it was painful. I would laugh uncontrollably, unable to breathe and tell my father I was in agony. On several occasions I lost my breath entirely and couldn’t inhale and my vision would darken and, as a child, I thought I was dying. As an adult, I realize that there was no harm intended, but as a child, I felt like I was fighting for my life.

After that memory, I understood why, as an adult, my lungs were constantly over-inflated, and my leg muscles were completely engaged, ready to “fight” against the potential danger.

For more on how to address traumatic memory, be sure to check out my program, The Psychological Abuse Recovery Course, to help to ease these physically embedded memories of trauma in your body. 

Heal your body, mind and soul.

Meditation is mind without agitation. Research shows that meditation improves the ability to regulate emotions in the brain, which creates permanent changes in a person's ability to regulate emotions. It leads to increased ability to focus and improved memory and increased relaxation, which has overall physical and mental health benefits. It teaches us how to recognize and detach from our thoughts and emotions. It clears and calms the mind and increases self-awareness and acceptance and contributes to overall improved well-being.

If you have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic abuser, it is highly likely you have been exposed to terrible abuse. If you are still in the situation, you must create some inner stability to cope. If you have left the abuser and are experiencing the ongoing pain of Post-Traumatic Stress, one step in the recovery process is to transform your inner world so it matches your safe outer world.  

The guided mindful meditation program that is integral to the Psychological Abuse Recovery Course is designed specifically for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Psychologically abusive relationships are not normal relationships. They are traumatizing. Repeated exposure to a cruel, controlling, harsh and vindictive partner is traumatizing, often triggering the "flight, fight or freeze" fear response in the survivor’s brain. Meditation is a well-researched and potent method to train the brain to “re-wire” and heal itself.  

Related: Healing trauma with meditation.

We are far more able to cope with intense physical symptoms when we are conscious of the way the inner landscape (of our bodies) is in constant change. We can breathe and relax muscles in response to when the physical sensations hit. If we have a lump in our throat, for example, we may notice that, by using the breathing techniques, we reduce the tension in our throat and we then feel another sensation, perhaps a pain in our knee. If we continue to stay curious and aware of the changes in our bodies and how these sensations change depending on what we are doing (breathing, relaxing or yoga, meditation) then we may become aware of how certain body parts that are involved in the sensations are part of certain memories and experiences. 

Related: For thousands of years, people have practiced meditation.

Life is unpredictable, full of highs and lows and difficulty. This is especially true for those who have been psychologically abused. Romantic relationships are supposed to provide safety and security, but life with the abusive person is everything but safe and secure. The chaos of emotional, psychological and verbal abuse makes your external environment threatening and unsafe and interferes with your ability to create and maintain inner peace. 

For example, a person with intense physical symptoms began using mindfulness and relaxation techniques to understand her inner sensations. She would often notice incredible tension in her chest and that she was constantly over-inflating her lungs. When she purposely relaxed her body while staying mindful, she was able to regulate her breathing and some of the muscle tension was reduced. However, that is when she noticed that her leg muscles were completely contracted. She used mindfulness and meditation to quietly reflect on what was happening with her legs, a spontaneous memory came up—one where her father used to tickle her, pinching her knees with so much pressure it was painful. She would laugh uncontrollably, unable to breathe and tell her father she was in agony. On several occasions she lost her breath entirely and couldn’t inhale because her father wouldn’t stop “tickling”. Her vision would darken and, as a child, she thought she was dying. 

Now we can see why as an adult her lungs were constantly over-inflated, and her legs muscles were completely engaged, ready to “fight” against the potential danger. This mindfulness helped her to move into a productive, encouraging self-talk (I’m safe, my body doesn’t need to be ‘ready’ anymore), combined with relaxation and breathing techniques and eventually she was able to manage her physical symptoms much more effectively.   

Related: How to release painful memories stored in the body.

We may notice that certain thoughts have a direct impact on physical sensations. We know that thoughts are organized and registered in the body, so if we are able to identify how thoughts affect our physical sensations, we can focus on trying to release the sensations that got “stuck” there in order to survive. For example, thoughts like, my husband wanted to hurt me. I’m worthless or I stand up to him, I’m weak will produce certain sensations in the body. 
There is compelling evidence that shows the anxiety-reducing benefits of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation helps to keep you in the moment, rather than worrying about things that might happen in the future and recognizing worried thoughts and re-framing them to something more supportive.

The memory of helplessness is stored as muscle tension in the body or feelings of disintegration in certain areas of the body. The continual abuse we experienced results in our lives revolving around bracing against and trying to cancel out the unwanted abusive experiences. This is why many people turn to drugs or alcohol to numb out; alternatively, they may try to seek out sensation (such as adrenaline junkies). Either way, there is a false sense of control attached to the numbing or sensation-seeking. Further, when we participate in these activities it may make life tolerable, but the cost is that we lose awareness of what is happening inside our bodies. When we are so disconnected from our bodies, we lose the ability to fully experience our wonderful senses. Our ability to experience our senses is muted, and the lovely experiences of music, touch, and light are altered. I recall the first time I got a relaxation massage. What should have been experienced as relaxing and gentle was instead indescribable agony. 

The Psychological Abuse Recovery Course is unlike any other recovery program. It provides the evidence-based methodology of mindful meditation to help you overcome pain, anxiety and depression, heal your shattered self-esteem and "re-wire" the traumatized brain. In total, the course is comprised of a 3-part video, 26-module ebook and a 9-week guided meditation designed to provide information, case examples, powerful techniques, thought-provoking exercises and specific healing activities that are crucial in recovery from psychological abuse. 

Empower yourself so you can transform your life and become a confident, happy person who is capable of experiencing a healthy love relationship.