Break Free from Narcissistic Abuse

The Fire Within

8/17/2018

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a fire inside of me, a deep quest for justice that burns in my soul. Earlier on in my life, this fire more resembled rage. The therapist in me knows that rage is a secondary emotion, and that beneath it is something else, usually a whole host of very real and painful feelings, such as sadness, hopelessness, feeling demeaned, abandoned, frustrated, incompetent and worthless. Rage is often a safer emotion; one that keeps us feeling energized, when sadness is so much tiring and bleak.

Why was I so angry? Great question. I believe I was born with a strong sense of social justice, and when I saw social predators emotionally violate people (myself included), it triggered some rather colossal emotions. This rage would sometimes turn inward and sadly, the hurtful, cruel words I heard from these individuals would repeat in my own mind.

Those negative inner thoughts have faded, but my instinctive sense of social justice has never faltered, not even for one day in my life. Which is why I’m so passionate about my mission to dedicate my life to help others take their lives back after the trauma of narcissistic abuse and to raise public awareness about the insidious nature of psychological abuse. Join me in my quest to address this serious public health issue that is estimated to affect approximately 20% of the population. Here’s how you can help:

Share and retweet posts (including mine – of course!) about narcissistic abuse. You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Get involved with World Narcissistic Abuse Cause Awareness Day on June 1st.

Understand and know the signs of Narcissistic Abuse, and speak out about this injustice.

United, we can strive toward a world where love, peace and harmony is all within reach!

8 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Keep Falling In Love With Controlling & Manipulative Partners

8/17/2018

My latest article on YourTango.com.

Have you ever felt like you were a “garbage magnet” when it comes to your love life? Do you find yourself repeatedly dating and falling in love with manipulative men who have narcissistic personality traits? Are you confused about why this keeps happening to you over and over again?

If so, there are some deep relationship questions to ask yourself that can help reveal why you keep falling for such controlling guys. Read More

The #1 Reason Why You Can’t Break Up With Your Toxic Boyfriend

8/10/2018

Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to break up with a toxic partner? Check out my latest article on YourTango.com to learn why.

How To Prevent Psychological Abuse

8/9/2018

Can we prevent psychological abuse? Yes we can. Check out my video that explains how this phenomenon is perpetuated in society and how we can prevent and protect people from the shattering experience of an abusive relationship.

How Meditation Helps With Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse

8/8/2018

This meditation program is designed specifically for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Psychologically abusive relationships are not normal relationships. They are traumatizing. Repeated exposure to a cruel, controlling, harsh and vindictive partner is traumatizing, often triggering the "flight, fight or freeze" fear response in the survivor’s brain. Meditation is a well-researched and potent method to train the brain to “re-wire” and heal itself.

Meditation is mind without agitation. Research shows that meditation improves the ability to regulate emotions in the brain, which creates permanent changes in the ability to regulate emotions. It leads to increased ability to focus and improved memory and increased relaxation, which has overall physical and mental health benefits. It also teaches us how to recognize and detach from our thoughts and emotions. It clears and calms the mind and increases self-awareness and acceptance and contributes to overall improved well-being.

The Psychological Abu se Recovery Course is unlike any other recovery program. It provides evidence-based methodologies to help you overcome pain, anxiety and depression, heal your shattered self-esteem, "re-wire" the traumatized brain and empower yourself so you can transform your life and become a confident, happy person who is capable of experiencing a healthy love relationship.

Lies Women Tell Themselves When They're 'Stuck' In Relationships With Controlling, Manipulative Men

7/28/2018

Check out my latest article at YourTango.com on the incredible power of denial in relationships that are psychologically abusive.

My Go-To Top 5 Pleasant Activities

7/26/2018

As a follow-up to my pleasant activities post in early July, I thought I would share my own personal top 5 pleasant activities that I turn to when I'm feeling stressed or blue.

Remember, there is a direct link between fun activities and mood. The more activities you participate in that are enjoyable, and make us feel excited, passionate or even just more alive, the better your mood. With every positive experience you have in your life, the more positive neural 'wiring' happens in our brains, which over time, affects neural plasticity (for the better).

Consider the following to increase pleasant activities into your lifestyle:

Make a list of 50 - 100 pleasant activities.
Increase the amount of pleasant activities gradually.
Make a plan, one day at a time, of what you would like to do and then set out to make it happen.
Start small and simple at first and break activities down into small, achievable steps.
Don’t expect perfection. Avoid the perfection trap altogether and focus on fun and relaxation.
Be patient with yourself. You may not find activities as enjoyable as you did in the past, but this is because of the trauma. Your joy will come back to you, with time, persistence and patience.
Practice self-compassion. If you don't meet your goal one day, that’s okay. Don’t see it as a failure. Just pick yourself up and move forward.

Once you experience success with pleasant activities you will find it easier and easier, and your self-confidence will grow.

What is on your top 5 list of pleasant activities?

Now Available On Amazon!

7/24/2018

Now my book is available on Amazon.com!

Are you or have you been in a relationship with someone who has been harsh, cruel and vindictive? Have you felt controlled, demeaned and belittled? Do you feel confused, inadequate and anxious all the time?

"Narcissistic abuse" is a form of emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by a person who is mostly likely on the pathological narcissism spectrum, such as narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality and/or psychopathy. It is also helpful in any relationships with psychologically abusive individuals, such as those struggling with addictions or other “toxic” behaviors and disorders. The focus of this book is not on the pathology of the toxic person but rather with the healing of the survivor.

Psychologically abusive relationships are traumatizing. Repeated exposure to a cruel, controlling, harsh and vindictive partner is traumatizing, often triggering the "flight, fight or freeze" fear response in the survivor’s brain. This program uses proven methods to aid the brain to “re-wire” and heal itself.

This book is helpful if you are currently in a pathological relationship as well as those who have left, to unravel the complicated, painful, and often terrifying task of recovery.

The 26-module ebook dives deep into narcissistic abuse and recovery. Within these pages include numerous case examples, information, powerful techniques, thought-provoking exercises and specific healing activities to aid in recovery:

What is narcissistic abuse?
The process of addiction
Trauma bonding
The stark reality of toxic people
Narcissistic personalities
Fighting the injustice
Healthy relationships
Emotional dependencies
Codependency
Symptoms of codependence
Social conditioning
Consequences of codependence
Boundaries
Assertiveness and healthy boundaries
Stages of toxic relationships
No Contact
Parenting after separation/divorce from an abusive person
Understand the reasons you stayed
The power of thought
Thoughts, beliefs and assumptions
Relational trauma
Self-care
Stabilization and safety
Self-Leadership
Feeling stuck
Moving forward

Download your copy today and reclaim your life!

Symbol of Strength

7/13/2018

You may have noticed many of the images in my posts and on my resources are flowers. This is not an accident. I believe that the flower symbolizes all that I stand for. Strength in adversity. Delicate, yet resilient. I even got a wildflower tattoo (left)!

Here are a few quotes that I love about flowers:

"All flowers must grow through dirt."

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

"She is like a wildflower; beautiful, fierce and free."

"Where flowers bloom, so does hope."

What thoughts come up for you when you think of a flower? What symbol best represents you?

New Title: Psychological Abuse Recovery

7/12/2018

I have renamed my course and book, Psychological Abuse Recovery: Healing from Emotional, Psychological and "Narcissistic" Abuse, to ensure that anyone who has experienced psychological abuse is included. It is also now available on Amazon!

This decision was made after much pondering and consideration of the topic. The main reason I decided to change the title is because there is a divide in the community of mental health providers, about using the label "narcissistic abuse". It is seen by some as stigmatizing. After careful consideration, I decided that psychological abuse more accurately reflects the wide range of abuse I am referring to.

What do you think of the change in name? Was this a mistake? Or do you think it's a better reflection of the abuse experienced and endured by so many people? I'd love to hear your feedback!

Saskatoon Counsellor and Therapist