Now my book is available on Amazon.com!
Are you or have you been in a relationship with someone who has been harsh, cruel and vindictive? Have you felt controlled, demeaned and belittled? Do you feel confused, inadequate and anxious all the time?
"Narcissistic abuse" is a form of emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by a person who is mostly likely on the pathological narcissism spectrum, such as narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality and/or psychopathy. It is also helpful in any relationships with psychologically abusive individuals, such as those struggling with addictions or other “toxic” behaviors and disorders. The focus of this book is not on the pathology of the toxic person but rather with the healing of the survivor.
Psychologically abusive relationships are traumatizing. Repeated exposure to a cruel, controlling, harsh and vindictive partner is traumatizing, often triggering the "flight, fight or freeze" fear response in the survivor’s brain. This program uses proven methods to aid the brain to “re-wire” and heal itself.
This book is helpful if you are currently in a pathological relationship as well as those who have left, to unravel the complicated, painful, and often terrifying task of recovery.
The 26-module ebook dives deep into narcissistic abuse and recovery. Within these pages include numerous case examples, information, powerful techniques, thought-provoking exercises and specific healing activities to aid in recovery:
What is narcissistic abuse?
The process of addiction
The stark reality of toxic people
Fighting the injustice
Symptoms of codependence
Consequences of codependence
Assertiveness and healthy boundaries
Stages of toxic relationships
Parenting after separation/divorce from an abusive person
Understand the reasons you stayed
The power of thought
Thoughts, beliefs and assumptions
Stabilization and safety
Download your copy today and reclaim your life!
What thoughts come up for you when you think of a flower? What symbol best represents you?
I feel honored to share my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course with you, as both a therapist and as someone who has encountered toxic personalities. I have experienced and witnessed the devastation of narcissistic abuse in workplaces, relationships and families and believe it is my life’s work to raise public awareness about this serious issue and to help survivors conquer the pain and destruction of this hidden abuse.
On my life journey, I have been affected by toxic personalities at a young, vulnerable age. I can say from personal experience, the damaging effect of these individuals can alter a person’s life and shape them in ways that are hard to even fathom. However painful my experience, I feel lucky to have overcome these obstacles and empowered myself to achieve incredible joy, peace and harmony in my life.
I have worked as a therapist for over twenty years helping people improve their lives. I have a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work and have a Certification in Coaching. I have dedicated both my career and life to assisting others to heal from pain and reach their individualized vision of self-improvement.
My personal empowerment led me to recognize my life's purpose to share my passion and help others to recover from relationship trauma. This led me to create the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course, a program to heal the shattering trauma of toxic relationships. After narcissistic abuse, most people notice they are unable to move on and can't seem to “get over” the pain. The truth is, it is harder to recover from these relationships because your body, mind and soul have been traumatized by the experience. The course is filled with information, examples, and healing tools to help people recover from these harmful relationships.
In 1996 I began to practice Clinical Social Work and currently work in private practice. I strive to raise awareness about narcissistic abuse through my writings on YourTango.com and social media, and am a member the World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day organization.
I am a proud mother of two wonderful teenagers (girl and boy) and fiancée of a tender-hearted, kind man and daughter of two wise and loving parents. I enjoy walking in the splendour of the outdoors. When I’m not working or writing, I tend to be visiting with family and friends, expressing myself through creative art and collecting strange and wonderful oddities.
Recovering from psychological abuse is a process that we need to invest time into for the rest of our lives. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course is designed to provide information, case examples, powerful techniques, thought-provoking exercises and specific healing activities that are crucial in recovery from narcissistic abuse. This blog post will cover a very important component of recovery: pleasant activities.
There is a direct correlation between pleasant activities and our mood. The more activities we participate in that are fun, and that inspire our passion and joie de vivre, the better we feel. Even better, with every positive memory we create through our actions each and every day the more positive neural pathways are created in our brains.
Laughing. Love-making. Exercise. What do these three have in common? They stimulate the release of endorphins, the pain-killing pleasure chemicals. Make sure you take time to enjoy your life. Too often, when we’re in the throes of life, we forget the importance of pleasure. We become so focused on everything we have to do in our lives that we can become overrun with the enormity of it all, constantly fixated on the next job on our never-ending To-Do list.
Don’t let this happen to you. If you are one of those people who find pleasure in your work, consider yourself lucky. Otherwise, set aside time to pursue activities that give you joy. Hobbies, leisure activities, fun with friends and family—all things that keep our brains constantly fuelled by endorphins that work as a kind of inoculation against pain.
Increase the amount of pleasant activities gradually. Make a plan, one day at a time, of what you would like to do and then set out to make it happen. Start small and simple at first and break activities down into small, achievable steps. Don’t expect perfection. Avoid the perfection trap altogether and focus on fun and relaxation. Be patient with yourself. You may not find activities as enjoyable as you did in the past, but this is because of the trauma. Your joy will come back to you, with time, persistence and patience. Give yourself a break. If you can’t do it one day, that’s okay. Don’t see it as a failure. Just pick yourself up and move forward. Once you experience success with pleasant activities you will find it easier and easier, and your self-confidence will grow.
Take a few minutes to consider the following pleasant activities, and then add your own to the list.
Coffee/Dinner with a friend
Exercising or Sport
Music Reading a Book
Going to a
Playing with a Pet with a Pet
Writing in a Journal
Attending a Sporting
Going to a Movie
Surfing the Internet/Pinterest the Internet/Pinterest
Going to a Party
Doing a Visualization
Playing an Instrument/Singing
Having a Warm Bath
Reading a Magazine
Going to the Spa to the Spa
Live Music Live Music
Learning a New Hobby (pottery, painting)
What are some of your ideas for pleasant activities?
Excerpt from my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course, now available for purchase here.
This post is written with caution and to highlight the stark contrast between psychologically abusive relationships and healthy relationships. I don’t want this post to be a guide to choosing a new partner because if you are reading this blog it means you are likely still in a state of emotional injury. You require healing and time in order to even be open to attracting a healthy life partner.
This section is merely an abbreviated set of markers to demonstrate the difference between what you’ve been living with an abusive person and what you could be living with a healthy partner.
Emotionally mature, responsible and healthy partners are much different than abusive people. They demonstrate considerate behavior, which speaks to their compassion. There are many, many healthy people available to you, even though at this point in your recovery it may seem as though every human you meet is abusive.
If you jump into re-partnering too soon you have a very good chance of drawing a toxic person to you because you haven’t yet recovered from the abuse and healed the deep-rooted parts of you that made you susceptible to the abuser in the first place. I can’t stress this point enough. Give yourself time. It will be difficult and painful to be alone with your torturous thoughts. Healing is an active process and I would be honored to guide you through your healing journey.
When you commit to healing you commit to ensuring you have a healthy, happy life and create the opportunity to attract a decent partner with a moral internal compass and a conscience. There are fundamental basics that you need to look for in order to confirm that an individual is emotionally stable.
This individual is transparent in all interactions and consistently tells the truth. They wish to be honest and they do not lie, try to trick you, omit or spin information for their own gain.
They take ownership for what they say and do. They follow through with promises. They take responsibility for their own emotions and their behavior. If they make a mistake they own it and make amends.
They respect other people, and, most importantly, respect you enough to be considerate of how they choose their words and how they behave. There is no intention to hurt, humiliate or demean you.
This person will state their thoughts, feelings and opinions and expect the same from you. They will be assertive in their communication style and strive toward a win/win outcome where both parties are satisfied with the solution. Revenge is not in their sights. They can ask for what they need in a direct, honest, respectful way, where everyone’s dignity remains intact.
They are reasonable and rational in their interactions. They do not allow emotions to govern their behavior and you feel safe approaching them with concerns.
They want to support you in a healthy way, where both parties take ownership of their lives and emotions but support one another throughout the ups and downs. They have no interest in tearing you apart to get what they want. They want you to be emotionally intact and healthy.
They want an emotionally safe, healthy, loving relationship based on the fundamentals of mutual respect, decency and commitment. They are open to true intimacy.
Entire books are written on the topic of healthy relationships and this is not a post that should be taken as a guide, as it is only a quick snapshot of what the baseline should look like. If you’ve been in a relationship with a psychological abuser you know that any baseline you used to have is long gone and you no longer even know what a healthy relationship looks like.
These seven points should be your new baseline. This is the standard by which you judge all potential suitors and assess the health of the relationship. Do not deviate.
Here are some fabulous links for more on healthy relationships:
The Gottman Institute
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
The Relationship Cure